Welcome To Rock Bottom – A Story of Hope Against Committing Suicide

The only place to go when you hit rock bottom is up.

Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around. ~Buddy Buie and J.R. Cobb, “Rock Bottom” (song)

Rock Bottom means you have hit an all time low in your life.

All the Good and Bad that happens in our life have two Goals and Purposes; to build our Character and our Identity.

Hitting Rock Bottom Is Not the End Of Your Life But An Opportunity To Begin Life Anew, But This Time With More Experience And Knowledge Than When You First Came Into The World.

Throughout my life I have Hit Rock Bottom a number of times for a variety of reasons.

One of the worse Rock Bottom Times I Hit was about 20+ years ago when I went through a 6-10 months alcoholic phase of my life.

I was drinking every day from morning to night in order to try and deaden the many pains and hurt in my life and to keep the dreaded Hangover away.

Whilst the Alcohol may have dulled my hurt. pain and problems it did not solve them. In fact the Alcohol often caused more problems for me through fights and contact with the law.

I drank anything and everything except Metho, though some of the people who I hanged around were into the Metho.

I often had no desire or hunger for food, just the next bottle of booze.

I had allowed the Alcohol to control every aspect of my Life and life just became an Alcoholic Daze.

On one or two occassions I had to be literally pulled up from the gutter because I was nearly ran over by Friends or Family members.

Every 2 to 3 weeks I would literally stagger to my Grandmother’s home in order to have a bath and a bit to eat. I put her through a lot of hurt because she was sadden and upset to see her Eldest Grandson in the state I was in. She always said to me: I am praying for you and I love you…but her words often went in one ear and out the other.

On some paydays I would often buy a carton of beer for myself and go out to the sand hills alone to drink under a peppercorn tree. I would also take a rope with me and tied it up to the peppercorn tree and then start drinking the beer by a fire.

Every now and then I would, through many sips, I think about my life and I would look at the rope and think to myself:

‘Here I am, all alone in this World! I have all these problems, pain and hurt. With this rope I can end all of it by taking the easy way out.

Then through other sips of beer I would then ask myself:

What are the reasons Why I should continue Living and not take my own Life?

What and Who is in this World that they are important enough for me to Stay in it?

My main Answer was always my Children…

I asked myself:

Do I want my Children to go through Life without me?

Do I want them to go through Life without a parent(s) like me?

What would I do if it was one of them sitting here tonight looking out this Rope to take their own Life?

Would I try to stop them or talk them out of it?

Would I leave them always wondering Why I took My Life?

Would I set an example for them that when there is a lot of hurt, suffering and pain in their Life, it is much easier to Take Your Life than Face Up to Them and Try To Solve Them?

Will one of My Children be Sitting Here One Day Like Me Ready To Take Their Own Life?

I also thought of my dear old Grandmother and how upset and sadden she would be if I took my own Life. She would have most likely died from a Broken Heart…

I would drink the full carton until I fell asleep and the next day I would awake, untie the Rope and burn it…and say Not Today…This was often repeated on a number of occasions and it was these days that I would stagger myself off to my Grandmother…

Rock bottom is always down there waiting for us to either hit it or fall back down towards it…but it is there… and often only there at rock bottom…when we will truthfully take a long good hard look out ourselves and our life…and then we are given one of life greatest choices…we either stay there…or…we pull ourselves up from out of there.

From time to time…throughout our Life…we are going to find ourselves falling back down to Rock Bottom again…but again when we find ourselves falling back down at Rock Bottom…then we are given again the same choices.

George Patton once said: “Success is how high you bounce when you hit rock bottom.”

The only place to go when you hit rock bottom is up.

I look back at that time now and say to myself: If I had Taken My Life All Those Years Ago:

My Children would have grown up without me…

I Would not be Alive To Talk My Eldest Son and Daughter Out Of Taking Their Own Life Through Suicide…

My youngest Son, Macka (Marvyn Jnr) would not have been born…

I would not be alive to see my first Grand-child, Cecelia, Born and spend what time I can with her…

I would not see my Family on both side gain some of our Ancient Traditional Lands back…

I would not have been here to Hug My Cousin Brother Dwayne who is going through a Stressful Time and Tell Him that If Ever He Felt That No-one Loved Him Then He Is To Always Remember That His Big Brother Truly Loves and Care For Him…

I Would Not Have Met My Soul Mate…

I Would Not Be Alive At My Grand-Mothers Book Launch To Stand Up on Stage Talk About Her Life (and ball my eyes out while doing so) and To Tell Her How Proud I Was Of Her…

I would not be Alive to Write Up Our McKenzie Family Tree and History So That The Next Generation Will Know About Our Family…

I Would Not Be Alive To See My Grand-Mother Still Alive Today At 94 Years Old And Fully Aware Of Everything…

Thank You Nanna For Your Love and Prayers All Those Years Ago…because….

Nanna…Your words of Love and Prayer did not go through one ear and out the other, they took root in my heart and mind as a comfort and strength for me to keep my life rather than taking it, both the good and bad…

I LOVE YOU NANNA

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: